Written in the Stars
by iheartShules
Summary: I am here with you, you're not alone, but you just don't know I'm here. ::Rated K :: [Careese all the time, like they own me and my muse, and just won't let go.]
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: This little story is different from my other Careese stories, I hope you guys will enjoy it as much as I did writing it. Thanks Elaine for reading this for me, my little muse is killing us.**_

 _ **Story wise it's AU because I don't fully follow things that happen for the show.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

* * *

Things were quiet in his apartment. If a pin dropped you would hear it hit the hardwood floor. It was how John liked his private life when he wasn't out chasing bad guys to kneecap; quiet, uneventful, and utterly alone.

John turned away from the window he was gazing out of, watching the moon and stars. He had always loved watching the stars at night. The soft twinkling of light always managed to twitch his lips up into a smile. But he would never tell anyone. Shaw and Finch would find it amusing that a man such as himself would find enjoyment in watching the stars, Fusco and Root would make snide comments, and he preferred to not hear it. The only person he ever told his secrets to without fear of being laughed at or ridiculed was gone.

John felt restless as he eyed the clock. It was nearing eleven at night and he was wide awake and could not relax. They had finished up a number earlier in the evening and were granted a night to themselves. Shaw and Root had gone off together while Finch had taken Bear home so he could go out on a date with a woman named Beth. John had checked into this woman to make sure she was suitable for Finch and realized that the two were a great match. He was happy for his friend. And Fusco, well Fusco had spent enough time with him during the day as they were partners and he had a date himself.

While his friends had all gone out with people, sharing their lives with someone, he had gone home alone. Solitude was the company he favored on most occasions now. But now as he looked around his small apartment for his cover identity, he felt like he couldn't breathe. Felt like the walls were closing in on him, knowing the only way to be able to relax the swirling tension he was feeling was if he went to her. He needed her.

John grabbed his coat before leaving his apartment, leaving his solitude. He had to go see her.

* * *

He exited his car, entering the cemetery. He memorized the path to where she was, he could find her with his eyes closed, and the ache in his heart that always grew whenever he saw her tombstone swallowed him whole as he came up on it. He could never get used to seeing her name etched in the marble.

John drew to a pause as he stood directly in front of Joss Carter's tombstone, sliding his hands into his pockets as suddenly he felt chilled. "I had to see you. And it's for selfish reasons, Joss, because I need your help to relax. Remember that one night I called you because I was dealing with a bout of insomnia?—I called you just to have someone to talk to. Even though I clearly woke you up you agreed to meet me at a café where we had coffee and talked all night?" he spoke to the tombstone as if it would answer him.

John smiled as he closed his eyes and recalled that memory so easily. It had been after HR destroyed her career, busting her down to lowly patrol officer. She had showed up at the café in sweats, her hair in a ponytail and makeup free. Her eyes had been tired but she was awake and had an easy smile on her face as they sat beside one another at the booth; his body had felt oddly energized. He was attracted to Joss, liked that she was womanly without the need of makeup and formfitting clothes. But he hid it from her and himself for a long time.

He tugged his thoughts out of the past as he stared down at the present. The woman that sat with him so he wouldn't be alone, the woman that cared too much about him was dead, in the ground, because of him. "I miss you, Joss, I miss you so much," he whispered gruffly as the cool night air billowed.

John stood there staring at her grave. "I hate that I never told you what you meant to me because I figured it out too late. I'm always too late," he said with a hint of anger.

He had trouble getting close to people but it had been so easy with Joss. She made it easy with her generous spirit, her warmth, and her general care for him. And he never figured out the depth of his feelings that coursed through his blood for her, not until the moment that they were locked together in that morgue. It finally clicked inside him that he loved Joss and it scared him, it excited him, and then he lost her. The woman he felt comfortable to be himself with, loved, and felt that could love him in return was taken from him.

He looked up into the stars. "I always loved star gazing, Joss." he whispered his secret, feeling unashamed as he told her, knowing if she was alive she wouldn't laugh at him. "When I was a kid I used to go outside every night and hope to see shooting stars so I could foolishly wish my dad would come home. I saw a couple but it didn't matter, because wishes don't come true, none of mine ever did." He closed his eyes as he looked back down at the grave, trying to stop the burning at the backs of his eyes before reopening them when it didn't work. "Because I have wished so many times for you to still be here, with me, so I'm not alone anymore," he said roughly, feeling like he was choking. The pain of losing her still was fresh, as if it just happened, it cut him deeply and he wasn't sure the wound of losing Joss would ever heal. He turned his head towards two large old oak trees that were about twenty feet away when he thought he felt someone over there, watching him, but when no one came out he decided it was just the wind blowing the branches around.

He crouched down so he could touch her name, tears slipping down his cheeks as he traced his index and middle fingers along her name. "I love you, Joss," he whispered thickly, never saying the words as they wounded him nearly as much as her being gone did. Because she would never know, he would never have the chance to say the words to her.

He remained quiet as he softly cried. Once he was done tracing her name. "Thank you, Joss, for not letting me be alone tonight." He brought his hand from the marble to kiss his fingers and pressed them on her name, letting them linger for several moments before he got to his feet.

He happened to glance up at the stars one last time before he was going to leave and smiled when he saw a shooting star. He looked down at her grave. "A shooting star, I guess I should make a wish huh, even though I know it won't come true," he murmured as he stared at her name, but there was something in him that yearned to make the silly wish anyways. "I wish you were here," he whispered before he forcefully turned and walked away from the grave of the woman he loved.

He couldn't go home, not yet. So as he exited the cemetery, instead of heading to his car he instead walked the empty sidewalk under the glittering stars, alone.

John, however, missed the silhouette that slowly peered out from the spot behind two old oak trees. She wiped the tears off her face. "Wish granted, John," she whispered as she slowly followed the broken hearted man from a safe distance.

* * *

AN: There are four chapters to this quick little ficlet, so this won't get me too sidetracked for Followed By Marriage. And the final chapter to Accidentally in Love is nearly complete, but this damn story sort of hijacked me first. And I know there were some people wondering when The Demon Within is coming, I'm working on it. I've tossed around different ideas on how I wanted it to go and finally figured out just how I want things to happen and came up with the ending which was killing me. Hopefully you guys can bare with me on that one as it's finally coming along now, maybe chapter 2 will be coming soon :D

Anyways thanks for reading, I know you guys probably have some questions...


	2. Chapter 2

**_AN: I think I should warn this story is kind of a tearjerker, maybe, sort of. The part in italics is flashback and then it will move to present time during the time chapter one took place but in Joss's pov.  
_**

* * *

 _Two weeks ago…_

 _John was sitting eating his breakfast alone with the newspaper opened. Joss stared at him. She was annoyed that all her attempts at gathering up enough energy to communicate with him went for nothing. He still had no idea she was haunting his ass. She had struggled hard, trying her damnedest at doing something to let him know she was there, and nothing. She barely moved the piece of paper and it didn't even catch his attention. It was so damn frustrating to be this close but yet unable to communicate. What good was it being a damned ghost if she couldn't even haunt the people she loved?!_

 _She had been given a simple choice when she died in John's arms; go up to heaven or to walk the earth on the ghostly plane. She chose the latter so she could remain close to her son and John, so they would never be alone. It had been an easy choice because she'd choose her son and John over herself any day of the week, they meant everything to her. But she hadn't realized when she made her choice that night, while she watched John openly sobbing over her prone body, how hard it would be to watch them and not be seen or heard._

 _Joss had wanted to cuddle her son while she watched him cry after Paul told him that she was gunned down. She wanted him to hear her applaud him as he graduated early from high-school. And she had wanted to give him an ass whooping or a lecture that made his ears want to fall off for forgetting the condom and worrying that he gotten his girlfriend pregnant. She wanted to thank John who would watch her son from the shadows as he promised her he would do._

 _John._

 _Her eyes tracked his fork that had his eggs and watched as his ate his meal, glad he was actually taking a morning to himself and eating a healthy breakfast. A damned energy bar and coffee wasn't healthy for him. She wished she could lecture him about taking better care of himself, hell, she had many wishes for this man. Like she wished to talk to him again, catch his gaze, and just be together. She had just realized he had feelings for her and her for him that were not anything remotely friendly but in a cruel twist of fate, she died protecting the man she loved. And now John seemed to be smiling less and less, isolating himself so much so that she could see he was freezing his friends out._

 _She forced her adoring gaze off of John who was unaware of her presence. "Hey Julia, you said if I needed help to call for you, well I need your help!" She shouted, glancing at John who didn't even bat an eye. Well damn she had been hoping._

 _The beautiful and quirky angel appeared with a smile. "You rang?" the pretty blond said with her halo crooked, before chuckling at her own joke. "I always wanted to say that and I always wanted to say; he went that a way. But what's wrong, Joss?" Joss motioned at John who sipped his coffee as he flipped the paper over and Julia looked at him, before looking back. "He's such a cutie, I get why you're haunting him." Joss narrowed her eyes on Julia and the blond held out her hands. "Hey, cool your scary ghostly eyes, he's all yours to haunt. I'd go haunt Brad Pitt's bathroom myself…or Denzel Washington's. I'm not picky."_

" _Julia, can we get back to my problem," she suggested._

" _Right, what is it?"_

 _She floated over to John and waved a hand in front of his beautiful face. Then she arched a brow as John filled in a crossword puzzle answer, clearly not seeing her hand. "If I could communicate with him I'd tell him that he spelled that wrong! Floating around and watching without being able to communicate in any way is kind of dull. Had I known life after death would be this damn boring, I'd have taken some of that tedious NYPD paperwork with me!"_

 _Julia smirked. "I did warn you that being a ghost wasn't all that it's cracked up to be. Most people don't like being a ghost because of the extent of energy that's necessary to even get alive people's attention. Have you tried something simple like a ghostly moan?"_

 _Joss crossed her arms. "Yea, I gathered up all my energy and tried to moan and nothing! Taylor just walked right through me. I tried moving the piece of paper, got it to move a centimeter and John didn't even bat an eye." Not that she figured John would notice a piece of paper barely moving, John had a keen sense of observation as she did, but even his well-trained eyes wouldn't see that pitiful movement._

" _There's a learning curve but eventually you'll be able to be seen or heard by John and your son."_

 _Joss stared at John. "I just want them to know that they aren't alone, that even though I'm gone I'm still with them and can hear them."_

 _Julia reached out touching her face. "You're upset because of his nightmare last night aren't you?" Joss looked at her in surprise. Her angel shrugged. "He's my charge, so I see and hear everything he goes through." Julia looked at John. "Poor thing just can't get over your death."_

" _So teach me how to communicate with him, so he knows I'm fine and safe, and that I'm watching over him. And that he needs to let go of this guilt he harbors over my death, I'd choose to save his life again in a heartbeat."_

" _I can't…"_

 _Joss eyed her intensely at her hesitation. "What aren't you telling me?" she demanded._

" _Nothing."_

 _Joss cocked a brow and leveled her with a pointed look. "My son did the same damn thing to me when he tried to keep a secret. What aren't you telling me?"_

 _Julia snickered. "You kept your sharp detective's skills even after death."_

" _Well it's kind of hard to let that go," she admitted. "But what is it, Julia, please tell me?"_

" _There might be something I could do to help you, I can make you human for 24 hours where you can see, hear, and touch your loved ones one last time."_

 _Well why didn't Julia say so in the first place?! "Well do it, I want to tell them that I love them, kiss them, and hug them,"she said immediately. Twenty-four hours would just have to be enough._

 _Julia smiled softly. "I would, Joss, but there is just one small problem. I can't grant ghosts or other angels wishes, but I can grant John a wish. I've been his guardian angel since he was born and he's sort of overdue for a wish because I had to leave all of his previous ones unheeded."_

" _Why?"_

" _Because John's wishes would have interfered with his father's destiny and I can't stand in the way of destiny."_

" _Does John have a destiny?"_

 _She smiled gently. "Yes."_

 _Joss stared at her. "Will you tell me?"_

 _She shook her head. "I am unable to do so. But I can guarantee you, what's in his future saves many lives, including children."_

 _Joss looked at him softly. "That's no surprise." She forced her gaze off of him. "So you owe him a wish?"_

 _Julia grinned as she eyed John before looking back at her. "Yes, I do."_

" _So, are you going to grant him it?" Joss pushed._

 _Julia chuckled. "He hasn't wished for anything yet, Joss. I can't grant him anything if he doesn't wish for anything."_

" _But John doesn't believe in wishes or magic, hell, he probably doesn't even believe in life after death."_

 _Julia smiled. "There are other ways."_

" _Like what, a magical loophole?"_

 _"Something like that," she agreed. "All I can say, Jocelyn, is believe in your love that you both feel, because love knows no bounds, and if you believe in the power of it anything can happen."_

" _That sounds very soap opera-ish, Julia." Joss said with a frown. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"_

 _"Think about it,"_

 _Joss harrumphed. "Well being a ghost and unable to communicate with anyone, I guess all I have to do is think," she commented dryly._

 _Julia nodded as she turned and rubbed a maternal hand across John's face and Joss noticed that John leaned into the touch subconsciously. "That's for his mother and father, who were jealous that I was coming down to visit their baby boy," Julia murmured with glowing maternal eyes for John before disappearing from his apartment and before her eyes, leaving it just her and John again._

 _Joss now felt jealous of Julia for different reasons, she got to envelope John with a loving embrace and she couldn't. Well at least not yet. Joss watched John as he stood up after finishing his plate, taking it to the sink. She frowned in aggravation as he walked right through her as he headed for the door. She was going to think through this mumbo jumbo that Julia said because there was a hint in her words somewhere and she was damn well no fool, she was going to figure it out. John deserved a wish, no matter if it was to see her again or not._

* * *

Present Time

Joss appeared in the cemetery, eyes watchful as she floated near the oak trees. Her heart ached for him. She had seen the antsy look in his eyes, could tell he felt like he was suffocating before he ran from his apartment in haste to get away from his loneliness. "Oh John, I wish I could help you," she said.

"I had to see you. And it's for selfish reasons Joss, because I need your help to relax. Remember, that one night I called you because I was dealing with a bout of insomnia?—I called you just to have someone to talk to; even though I clearly woke you up, you agreed to meet me at a café where we had coffee and talked all night?"

Joss sure the hell remembered that. She had grabbed the phone groggily and wondered what the hell he had wanted at that time of night. But when he whispered he needed her, she felt warm inside, and had immediately offered to meet him at a café. Joss had figured John had trouble sleeping, judging by the guilt he loaded on himself, but she never realized how bad off the insomnia was for him. She showed up at the café in her sweats and had thought her tongue was going to hang out seeing him in jeans and his undershirt, with hair rumpled, and sleepy eyes. She had been attracted to John for a long while, hid it from him and herself for a long time, telling herself John would never fall for an uptight detective.

She tugged her thoughts out of the past as she watched the man staring down at her grave. "I miss you, Joss, I miss you so much." he whispered gruffly and she longed to go to him. She had spent two weeks since Julia came down and talked to her, trying to figure out the subtle hint that aggravating angel gave her. But no dice, she couldn't figure it out. She kept replaying the part about love, the power of love and that love knows no bounds…

"I hate that I never told you what you meant to me because I figured it out too late. I'm always too late," he sounded angry at himself, but she was angry with herself too. She figured it out too late herself and they missed out on each other, she foolishly believed she had enough time. But time was a precious commodity and she wasted it by keeping the things she wanted to say to herself.

He looked up into the stars. "I always loved star gazing, Joss." he whispered and she smiled already knowing that. She used to love watching him watching the stars, he would always get a tiny smile on his face. "When I was a kid I used to go outside every night and hope to see shooting stars so I could foolishly wish my dad would come home. I saw a couple but it didn't matter, because wishes don't come true, none of mine ever did." he closed his eyes. This was torture watching John and not being able to help him. "Because I have wished so many times for you to still be here, with me, so I'm not alone anymore."

Joss knew if she was alive, she'd been crying already. "I am here with you John, you're not alone, but you just don't know I'm here.," she assured him sadly and her eyes widened in happy astonishment as he his head turned towards where she was standing though he looked through her. But she felt hopeful because he felt her presence, because why else would he look her way?!

Joss watched John as he crouched down near her grave, crying. She wanted to soothe his pain as he reached out tracing her name with his fingers. She wanted so desperately to touch him and whisper she was alright. "I love you, Joss," he whispered thickly.

"I love you too, John, oh please let me go to him," she begged desperately as she glanced up at the night sky. "Please," when nothing happened she struggled to figure out, Julia's hint. It had to be something about love, love knows no bounds…power of love? John loved her and she loved him and it suddenly dawned inside her.

John admitted he loved her, and he felt her presence. Love knows no bounds, like their love connected them even after death. She smiled. "Thank you, Julia you're the best guardian angel ever!"

"Thank you Joss for not letting me be alone tonight." he brought his hand from the marble to kiss his fingers and pressed them on her name and she gasped as it felt like he was pressing a kiss to her heart. He got to his feet.

"I love you John, just think of me, think of needing me and I'll be there for you." she said loudly knowing in his heart he could hear her even if his ears couldn't. She glanced up at the stars. "I know you don't think wishes come true but this one will, John, just look up and say you need me and want me to see me."

She willed him to be able to hear her through time and space. "John please look up, you'll miss your shooting star if you don't."

She smiled as he glanced up at the stars before looking down at her grave again. "A shooting star, I guess I should make a wish." he commented. "Even though they never come true."

"This one will John, I promise you and I never break my promises, so ask for your wish so Julia can grant you it," she pleaded as if she was talking to him.

"I wish you were here," he whispered.

Joss watched as John turned away from her grave. "You have twenty-five hours, Jocelyn." She turned and looked at Julia, who materialized the very moment he uttered his quiet wish.

"Twenty-five?" Not that she was knocking the extra hour but she did wonder why she was being given it.

Julia shrugged. "You have until tomorrow at midnight. I figured John deserved an extra hour for everything he's gone through," she said with a wink before she waved a hand at her and she blinked as she felt funny.

She looked down at herself and saw she was touching the ground before looking back at Julia. "Thank you, Julia," she whispered, eyes straying to John as he was slowly walking away.

"Go to him and your son, your time is ticking."

She nodded and watched as Julia disappeared and she stepped out from behind the oak trees and eyed John's slumped shoulders. She wiped away the tears she could now cry. "Wish granted, John," she whispered feeling emotional as she followed the broken hearted man she loved.

* * *

AN: Sorry I know a lot of you guys were hoping she was alive but I wanted to try my hand at some unconventional Careese. And before you guys kill me for having her dead...there are two more chapters to post, so you guys can skin me alive after especially since Careese to come face to face next chapter :) I'll try to post quickly, maybe Tuesday-ish, so I hope everyone has a nice and safe holiday XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

_**AN: Hoping everyone is having a nice holiday and I'm posting this a tad earlier because I personally enjoy my body in tact ;D And for all those people who are wondering if there is a happy ending all I can say is keep reading and you'll see :) Is that a sucky answer, yes, but it's all I can give lol.  
**_

* * *

It took everything in her to not shout John's name as she followed him. She preferred to be alone with him when she came face to face with John. And as much as she wanted to go to her son, he needed rest, and she couldn't very well show herself to Paul. He'd wonder how the hell she was there when she was buried nearly a year ago. She would just have to have John call Taylor to head someplace alone where she could see him.

So for her first minutes back on her Earth, kind of alive, she followed John around the busy New York streets getting bumped into, and earning herself strange looks. Joss shrugged, unperturbed by the staring looks, most likely thinking she was drunk as she wobbled and struggled to walk like a sane person. She had to get her sea-legs back since for nearly a year all she had to do was float and coast her way where she wanted to go or materialize in a white glow. Being somewhat alive, she had to walk again…in heels, something she hadn't done since before she died. Or maybe she was receiving the odd looks because she was only in her thin strapped dress and heels she was laid to rest in, out in the chilling October night's air. She was freezing but she ignored it.

And it was a nice dress, one of her favorites to be honest. It was a pretty royal blue color and was super comfortable. Her son did good picking this out for her. Joss was careful to not be spotted by John as she followed her lonely man, who thankfully decided his random journey was coming to an end, as he walked to his car. She ran to catch up, really needing to hitch a ride with him. Since she wasn't a ghost right now she couldn't just float and appear wherever the hell she liked. It would take her forever to get to his place on foot and she didn't want to waste any more of her valuable time following him like a creepy stalker. She grabbed the passenger door as he turned the car on and opened it.

She climbed into his car and closed the door, locking the doors so he couldn't go running, thinking he was hallucinating. But as she turned to look at him again she didn't seem to have that problem because he sat there staring at her in stunned silence. John appeared to be frozen as he stared at her, mouth agape, and she giggled inwardly. She rendered John speechless.

She smiled gently. "Hi John, I've missed you so much," she said as tears filled her eyes. This was one of the living things she did miss, the ability to cry. The tears escaping her weren't of sadness but of joy because she was given something that most would want, a second chance to be with their loved ones even if it was only for a day, and she internally thanked Julia again for this gift.

John stared at Joss as she looked so real. He nearly reached out to poke her, but shook his head. No, she was dead, she died in his arms. He held her, feeling her take her last breath. He tried to think of when, during his short walk, he hit his head? Or did someone inject him with something that he didn't feel? Or did he have a heart attack and was lying on some ground dying somewhere and he was dreaming this?

"Joss?" he whispered as she reached out and touched his face and he felt it. He felt her touch and it felt warm even though her hand was cold. He grabbed at her hand desperately. "H-how are you here? I-I held you a-as you died in my arms, you're not real," he demanded as a lump formed in his throat nearly choking him as moisture gathered in his eyes. This was a cruel joke, the woman he loved wasn't really here, his mind had to be playing tricks on him because he felt so alone.

She licked her lips as he held her hand so tightly. "John, I don't have a lot of time. I have 24 hours and two minutes and counting to spend as much time with you and my son because you had to wander around for fifty-eight of my precious minutes. My dogs are tired from the restless walking you did, I haven't had to walk in like a year!" she complained.

He stared at her like she was a walking and talking psycho and then he looked like he was going to speak more, and she didn't want to waste her precious moments speaking about the impossibilities of it all. Because she wanted to kiss him and not the soft butterfly kind of kiss like the one he laid on her in the morgue, she wanted an 'I-need-you-more-than-anything' type kiss, so she grabbed the back of his neck, tugging him to her to kiss him and he didn't resist. Their lips connected and she felt him stiffen in her arms, breath hitching, as a whimper escaped him and she couldn't say she blamed him. A dead woman was kissing him, but he'd catch up sooner or later that she was actually very much real, because right now she just wanted to kiss him. She gently took sips at his deliciously soft lips because they were slack and not participating just yet. She coaxed him into it as she sucked his bottom lip tenderly between hers.

John didn't care if this was some painful figment of his imagination because he kissed her back. He touched her, felt her cool skin against his, and felt her lips that were equally cool warm up against his. She sighed as he kissed her urgently. After the kiss lasted as long as they could humanly handle, he pulled free to breathe in raggedly.

She was still sitting there, but now she was smiling at him as she reached up with her free hand and rubbed away his tears. "Now that is what I call a kiss, John."

"You were shot and you died in my arms, how are you here, Joss?" he asked because he was slowly realizing that he wasn't hallucinating. How did she survive, he felt her take her last breath in his arms?

"Yes, I did, John. I died in your warm embrace, but you made a wish for me to be here and they granted it," he stared at her and she smiled. "Look, the particulars don't really matter, do they?"

"Yea they do," he countered. "I don't understand…"

She tried to remove her hand and he desperately held onto it afraid she'd fade away. "Your guardian angel, Julia, said that you were owed a wish and you wished I would be here, and she granted it. But it's only temporary, it's only for twenty-five hours because I think Julia pulled some strings; she really likes you. Tomorrow at midnight, I have to go."

"Where?" he asked, he didn't want to lose her again.

She smiled. "Back to the ghostly plane. I had a choice between heaven and the ghostly plane and I chose that so I could be close to you and my son. I just didn't realize trying to get your attention or my son's would be so damned difficult," she admitted.

"You've been around me this entire time?" He had been longing for her and she had been there and he hadn't even known it? He couldn't stop touching her, she felt real.

"Yea, I'm on the ghostly plane." she repeated as if that explained everything.

"Joss, I'm sorry but I need more explanation than that."

"Basically the ghostly plane is where I can walk the Earth with you and my son, but not visible to the naked eye unless I can master how to conserve enough energy to correctly haunt your ass. But even then I'll only be visible or heard for how long I can muster up enough energy before you guys won't be able to see or hear me. I've been trying to get your attention since day one but hadn't been able to figure out how to harness my energy enough to get yours or my son's attention. Julia, our guardian angel, says it takes patience which you know I don't have," she said and he chuckled, because this was beyond comprehension and yet here she was, and he believed what she said. He had stopped believing in miracles, in magic, in wishes, had stopped believing in it all, but seeing her again…he believed again.

The laughter faded. "I've missed you, Joss." he croaked sounding like a frog as emotions swirled in him.

She smiled. "I know you have but you're not alone, John, I've been there and I'll always will be here for you." His eyes shone bright as tears brimmed in his eyes but remained unshed. She only had one day so she wasn't wasting a single moment of her time withholding words she wanted to say. "I love you, John."

He shuddered as he tugged her to him, kissing her warmly, before ending the kiss abruptly. "I love you too," he whispered over and over again.

She smiled as she allowed him to keep whispering it until he slowly grew quiet. "Do you feel better telling me how you feel?" she wondered.

He leaned back. "Yes, I always regretted never telling you how I felt and I hated myself for letting fear keep the words inside."

"Me too, because I have loved you for a long time, John," she agreed before sitting back, freeing herself from him. "Can you take me to your place, John, I want us to be alone so we can talk? Oh and I want to bitch at you too since I can now, you're in for it since I've been stuck holding this in since my funeral." she huffed.

He leaned back and eyed her. "For what?"

"For what?!—you know what, I wanted to tan your hide for running after I died but, being I was a ghost, I couldn't, since my hand would go through you, but I can now!" she threatened. "John, I died to protect you and you were willing to throw away your life."

"I told you, Joss, I couldn't lose you."

"And I told you if anything ever happened to you, I'd hate you forever. That includes after my death too, John! I was so angry at you. When Simmons popped out and shot you, I knew I could be shot, but it didn't matter. I wasn't going to let Simmons get away with gunning you down in front of me. I paid the ultimate sacrifice but if I could do a redo, I'd do it again," she vowed. "John, you're not the only one who can do the saving." She touched his face and he leaned into it.

"I've missed your lectures."

She snorted. "No you haven't," she countered. "But thank you for lying. Now take me to your place because we have less than twenty-four hours now and I want to squeeze in as much time with you and my son as possible."

"Yes ma'am," he murmured softly because he wanted that too. If this was real and not a dream, he wanted to spend every moment he could with her before she left him again. He was going to spend a lifetime with her in the next day.

She glared at him. "Even though I'm dead, John, don't ever call me ma'am!" she said and he smiled as he turned and drove them to his place.

* * *

He didn't sleep. He and Joss and stayed up all night talking. It was surreal having her back, talking about things she shouldn't know but did. Like the fact that he was now forced as a cop and as Fusco's partner which had given her a hearty laugh fest. Or what he had revealed inside his closed door therapy sessions and she hoped they were therapeutic for him. She even knew private conversations he had with Finch and Shaw alike in the underground subway. Joss seemed to be trying to prove the reality of what she said and he did believe her, even if it was crazy.

But that meant he only had this one day with her and he didn't want to miss a single minute of her being here with sleep, so he didn't. But it wouldn't have mattered because he couldn't even if he wanted too, sleep was furthest from his mind because she looked so alive and vibrant. She raided his freezer for his ice cream, claiming dead women didn't get to have ice cream anymore and she cheekily claimed that it went right through her. God, he missed her humor, her everything, he just missed her. They sat on his couch and he kept touching her and staring at her, making sure she truly was there.

Joss had busy plans for him and Taylor, she wanted to go out to breakfast with her son and him, spend the day together, watch the sunset, and spend a quiet evening together before she had to leave them. He called in at work, citing personal reasons, and was given the day off unpaid. He called Finch and said he was busy and not to disturb him. Finch assured him that Shaw could handle any number they might have, sounding like he didn't want to press for info, but was worried about him. Surely if he said he was spending time with a woman that was dead would make things worse, so he refrained.

John had called Taylor to meet him at Lyric Diner (Joss's choice) for breakfast. He allowed Joss to choose everything even down to the color shirt he wore, which she had rummaged through his closet for the lavender shirt he had worn when they came face to face after the months long cat and mouse game they played. She forbade him from wearing hairspray and she greedily grabbed his hand as they walked hand in hand to his car.

She played with her dress while they sat in the corner booth waiting for her son to arrive. "Joss, don't worry, your son will react sort of like I did but will be happy to see you even if it's beyond comprehension," he promised as he rubbed her hand soothingly.

"I know, it's just I have wanted to speak to him for so long, tell him how much I love him and how proud I am of him," she admitted.

The boy entered and looked around and he sought out his eyes. "Joss, Taylor's here," John said quietly as her son smiled and Joss turned to look and her son froze.

"Hey baby boy," she greeted gruffly as she slid from the booth, to stand before him.

"Mom?" She danced from one foot to the other as her son looked her up and down in shocked astonishment, reminding her of John's initial look. "MOM!" he cried as he ran to her and hugged her fiercely. She closed her eyes and cried as she held her son. She inhaled his scent, held his strong body. She cried nearly as hard as he did.

Once they parted she rubbed his face free of the tears. "How are you here?" he demanded.

"Baby, sit," she commanded softly and he dropped into the seat she had occupied. She sat beside him. John reached out to touch her other hand and she grabbed it, before grabbing her son's with her other hand. "You two mean everything to me," she said, her voice wobbly from emotion, as she glanced from her son to John and back to her son. "I'm here until midnight tonight and then I have to go back."

"Go back?—go back where? I don't want you to leave, mom."

She smiled as she tightened her hold on their hands. "And I don't want to leave you both, but, I don't have a say."

Taylor stared at her. "Are you in witness protection or something because of the case being made against Alonzo Quinn?"

She shook her head. "No honey, I'm dead," she whispered, looking around making sure no one was listening in on them or paying them any attention. Her son looked at her like she grown a second head. "You're looking at me just like John did when I tried to explain this to him," she admitted and Taylor's eyes slid to John for help.

John could see that Taylor didn't believe his mother that she was really dead. Had she not known everything that she did when there was no way possible, he'd say Joss was alive and living too. But deep down he knew it was impossible, she died in his arms, and they only had this one day with her.

"It's true, Taylor, your mother really did die in my arms and she's here by some miracle. But she's got only today to spend with us."

Taylor looked at her immediately. "Why only a day?" he asked as he stared at her with crestfallen eyes. Joss wanted to erase his pain, maybe this was selfish of her to see him and touch him because she would disappear on him again and he'd have to grieve all over again, and that wasn't fair.

"Baby, believe in magic because it works, and do believe in love because sometimes love can connect two people so deeply that it can reach through time and space," she whispered as she eyed John.

Taylor glanced at John who was staring at his mom and then back at his mom. "You two love each other," he said rather than asked.

"Yes, I love Mr. Badass." she assured him and Taylor grinned. "We just didn't have enough time," she murmured softly.

John sat forward and stared into her eyes. "Joss, I will love you forever."

She smiled. "I know, just as I will love you both forever," she said, looking between them before eyeing her son. "I'm sorry for being selfish and wanting to see you, touch you again, because when I have to go you'll…"

Taylor curled his hand around hers tighter. "Don't apologize mom, I want this even if it's only for a day. I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too, little man." she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Okay, I want to spend my day with you two, cramming enough stuff in to last a lifetime in these next seventeen hours."

"I can handle that," Taylor said before eyeing John. "Can you, Mr. Badass?"

John smirked in challenge. "Oh, I know I can handle it."

* * *

After breakfast John took her and Taylor to the gun range which was fun. She hadn't gotten to shoot a gun since winging Simmons. Then Taylor and John had to suffer through her going to department stores and trying on the latest fashion trends. The boys were bored but wouldn't cop to it. Taylor insisted that they'd go to Archie's which had the greatest arcade known to mankind, where she and Taylor used to stop a lot to have fun together. It was interesting, to say the least, watching John, who looked like a giant kid, play against her son in a friendly but competitive game of Air Hockey.

After the arcade they had gone out to lunch to one of her favorite diners. Their hot fudge vanilla sundae with brownie crumbs and chocolate chips drizzled on top was to kill for. They laughed and talked a lot, basking in their day together, she refused to watch the clock.

After their wonderful lunch John, Joss, and Taylor had gone back to his place for some quiet time alone before going out to dinner at one of the most expensive places in New York.

"Thank you guys for treating me like a princess," she said as they sat on John's couch together.

Taylor and John looked at one another. "You don't have to thank us, mom, we love you and want to spend this day with you," Taylor said and she touched his hand. She watched as he tugged out his cell phone with his free one. And she furrowed her brows as he hit record before lifting the phone to capture her. "Mom, I love you." And her eyes softened as she realized he wanted to record her saying it back.

"Oh baby boy, I love you so much."

Taylor's smile was quivering a little. "Thank you, I will never erase this recording for as long as I live,"he promised as he ended it. She reached out tugging her son over and hugged him. She softly held her son while he cried. So much for keeping the day happy, the day was going fast and each of them was fully aware of the time remaining.

"Taylor, hand me your phone." John asked gruffly.

Joss and Taylor parted and Taylor handed him his phone before wiping at his eyes. She smiled as John stood up and stepped back somewhat to take a photo of them. Taylor held her so tightly and they smiled for the picture. She kissed Taylor's cheek before standing up.

"Give me your phone, John." she motioned and he eyed her unsure of what she was going to do but handed her his phone. "Baby, will you take a photo of John and me?" Taylor immediately snatched his phone out of her hand and John looked down at her as she snuggled up to his side. "Say cheese," she suggested as she laid her head on his chest and smiled for the camera. John held her tightly and Taylor snapped the photo and she leaned back to look up into John's eyes.

"You guys look awesome together." Taylor said as he showed them the photo and she smiled.

"I love this photo." she agreed, seeing that John wasn't looking at the camera but at her. She was touched by the soft loving look on his face. "Since John takes so few of them."

They spent the rest of time at John's place just talking with each other. They left his apartment to watch the sunset before heading to dinner and Joss was becoming increasingly agitated as her eyes kept watch of John's wristwatch and saw sadly as the time was flying by.

John rubbed her lower back, while they waited for Taylor who had to use the bathroom. "Stop watching the time, Joss."

"It's going too fast," she said as she eyed it again seeing it was now 7:45 in the evening. "I don't want this to go so fast." she said with a desperate clutching of his hand. "I don't want to lose the ability to talk to you, have you and my son talk back to me, and to feel you."

John reached up, brushing her hair back, seeing the anguish in her eyes. "I love you, Joss." he said again. Now that he finally said it to her, he couldn't stop saying it. She smiled as he stared at her. "You know there is no other woman I want, living or dead."

"Not even Jessica?"

"No, she was my first love, and you're my forever love."

Joss looked away. "Damn it John, I'm going to cry now even after I promised myself no more tears," she whispered.

"Look at me, Joss, please." She was helpless but to do as he asked. "Marry me, right here and right now," he pleaded and she jerked back but he scooted closer. "Marry me, Joss." They had the resturaunt's private veranda just for the three of them, not wanting to be disturbed for their quiet and only dinner together.

"John…"

"What's going on?" Taylor questioned as he came back and slid into the chair across from them.

John glanced at Taylor with a smile. "I'm asking your mother to marry me and it seems she has cold feet." he explained before looking back at her.

"I'm dead, I always have cold feet, but John, you don't want to get married."

He shook his head. "I've always wanted to be married," he corrected. "I just never found my other half, Joss, until you. And I wasted a lot of time with you and I don't want to waste this last day, being afraid and not going after what I want. Will you grant me another wish and be my wife?"

"John, I'm dead, the marriage wouldn't even be legal and you can find love again with a living woman." she said staring into his eyes. And she would jealously watch and hate the woman with every fiber of her ghostly being.

"I don't want anyone but you. I don't care if the marriage isn't legal in the eyes of the law, it will be legal to me and to you, to Taylor. And I don't care if the marriage lasts five hours or five minutes, I just want to marry the woman that I love. I let love go once before because I was scared, Joss, I don't want to do that again with you."

Joss stared into John's eyes, seeing he was serious. She closed her eyes before reopening them and grabbed his cheeks and kissed him…hard. She was crying unconsciously as she tugged him closer to her. She should be embarrassed as she was kissing him like a desperate woman in front of her son. But John just put Don Juan to shame and she felt fiercely sentimental over the fact that he wanted to pledge his love to her in a marriage that would bind them together spiritually rather than legally.

She pushed out of the kiss so as not to embarrass her kid but Taylor didn't look put off, rather he looked slightly misty eyed. "Joss, not to be a stickler, but you still haven't said yes to being my wife." John said quietly.

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, John, yes, I'll marry you." she assured him.

John looked at Taylor. "If you please," John murmured and Taylor grinned, realizing he was being included in their wedding.

"I'll just do the Cliffnotes version that I've seen in movies: 'do you, Mr. Badass, take my mom to be your wife'?"

John looked at Joss. "I do." he said immediately with warmth and with his blue eyes on hers. "Skip to the kiss part, Taylor." John murmured and she chuckled softly.

Taylor pretended to frown. "You just like kissing my mom."

"I do," he agreed.

She smirked. "That's my line and stop interrupting our wedding ceremony, John, precede Taylor," she murmured.

"Mom, do you take Mr. Badass to be your husband?"

"I do," she said readily.

John looked impatient. "Now may I kiss her?" he demanded.

Her son exaggeratedly rolled his eyes. "You may now kiss your bride, Mr. Badass."

John curled a hand against her cheek. "With pleasure," he murmured before he sealed their fate with a kiss before he pulled back. "I love you, wife."

She grinned, loving the sound of that even if it wasn't real. "I love you too, husband."

* * *

The evening was winding down after dinner and their shotgun wedding, they all filed back to John's place and they were quiet, all reflective. Both John and Taylor were on each side of her, just holding her hands. She gripped them tightly, trying to memorize the feel of their hands in hers because soon it would be gone, she'd be gone.

"What time is it?" Taylor questioned for the millionth time.

John eyed the clock. "Eleven-thirty,"

"It's only five minutes later since you last asked baby." she said gently. She turned to eye her son when she heard a soft sound escape him and realized he was quietly crying as he stared at her. John let go of her hand to rub her shoulder as she turned towards her weeping boy. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her son. "Oh sweetheart, don't cry." she whispered as Taylor held her tightly. "I am just grateful to have gotten to spend this wonderful day with you and John."

"I don't want to say goodbye. It's not fair."

"I know sweetheart, none of us ever do." she parted from his strong hold after several minutes and wiped his tears away. "But just know I'll always be around watching over you," she said. "I think you should go home now, baby, you won't be able to watch me go."

"No, I should stay," he fought.

"Can you honestly handle watching me go?" she questioned, knowing in her heart he couldn't. And when he shook his head, she smiled. "John will be with me, you need rest."

Taylor nodded. "You take care of my mom, John." he demanded.

"I will."

Her son looked at her and hugged her before leaning back to kiss her cheek. "I love you mom," he whispered.

"I love you more baby." she said leaning back and kissed his cheek as hot tears spilled down her cheeks. She reluctantly let go of her son as they all three stood up. She kept a smile in place so her son wouldn't know what watching him back away towards the door was doing to her. "This isn't goodbye, it's just see you later….much, much later. Momma's proud of you." she said, fighting the wobbliness to her voice.

"I know you are, mom. I love you."

"I love you." she barely got out before her son turned and exited John's apartment and when the door shut, she dropped to her knees, and sobbed. She felt John beside her, before his arms wrapped around her and gently held her.

They remained that way for a little while until she was spent. She lifted her head and John helped her stand. John's eyes were shiny with unshed tears. "No, you don't start," she begged as she eyed the clock on his wall. "Because I only have ten minutes left and I don't want to have to send you away like my son. I need you to hold me through it."

"I don't want you to go. Can't I be selfish for once, can't you?"

She smiled. "I know you don't, John, I don't want to leave. I wish I could stay here with you and my son. But it's not possible, I'm just grateful for these last twenty-five hours." she got close to him so their lips were close. "But believe me, I'll be watching over you too."

John reached out gently holding her cheeks in his big hands. "Promise me something, Joss."

"What?"

"Promise me that when my time comes, you'll be by my side, because there is no one else I would rather be with then you."

She smiled. "I can promise that you'll never be alone because I won't let you," she promised. He made a rough sound as he leaned down and kissed her. It was tender and loving, wet from their tears as they both were crying. She pulled back and licked her lips before looking at the clock and pain knifed through her. She had only minutes left. She looked back at John, leaning her forehead against his. "I have a few minutes left, so now it's your turn to promise me something, John," she whispered urgently.

"What, Joss, anything, I'll promise you anything?" he whispered as she held his hands that were cupping her face with his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"Open your eyes, please." she said and he instantly did as she asked. "No more thinking your life is meaningless because it means everything, continue saving lives but try to actually save your own too because it matters. And I know you never believed me when I was alive that you weren't a monster, but believe me now when I say you're not. You're a good man, start believing it."

John stared at her. "Alright, I promise you."

She smiled before growing quiet as the minutes ticked by and it was eleven fifty-nine. "Hold me." she asked softly wanting to be his arms.

John tugged her into his arms and she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face into his neck inhaling him. "I love you Joss," John whispered roughly.

"I love you too, John." She whispered back on a soft sob as she held on tight as the clock stroked midnight.

* * *

AN: Er...I'm hoping you guys are surviving under the Careese feels, I'm telling you guys I was in a highly mushy state when writing this. I'll be posting the final chapter tomorrow since I'm not cruel to make you guys wait around to know what happens. Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOX.


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN: *peeks out* Okay, so please keep sharp and pointy objects put away until after the chapter is over.  
**_

* * *

John cried as he squeezed his eyes closed tight. God, this hurt even more then the first time. But he wouldn't trade this last day for the world because it meant everything to him. He had gotten to tell Joss everything that he held close to himself, and spend time with her again. That was all he wanted. And now he knew that she was there with him and he wasn't alone, which made it a little easier to walk the Earth while she was gone.

He opened his eyes and sprung back. "Joss?!" he said hoarsely as he stared at her. She was still there, standing in his arms.

"John, what happened?" she whispered as she looked down at her feet that were still touching the ground. Her eyes strayed to the clock seeing it was 12:01A.M. "Is this some cruel joke, like someone up there forgot what time it is or something?" she demanded as she began to shake.

John's hands tightened on her. "Joss, are you alright?"

"I'm not sure." she murmured as she felt tingling all over. "Maybe its going to happen now,"she said, grasping tightly to John's forearms. His eyes were on hers as held her, but she didn't fade away and no funny feeling overcame her like when Julia worked her magic.

"JULIA! JULIA! YOU GET YOUR ANGEL ASS DOWN HERE!" Joss shouted as John scooped her up into his arms as her legs gave out on her. She felt so weak.

John was scared, what was happening as he settled her on his couch? Was Joss dying again so she could go back to the ghostly plane? John's eyes widened as a beautiful blond appeared with her halo crooked but she looked heavenly. The woman smiled and her blue eyes were filled with love and acceptance. John's eyes slid closed, nearly dropping to his knees as warmth and love swept through him when she touched him.

"You are such a sweet boy. Your mother and father are so proud even if you don't think you're a good man," she murmured.

John stared at her. "My mother and father?" he said slowly.

"Yeah, your mom is miffed that you still haven't given her a grandchild, she's still got her fingers crossed," Julia said and then laughed as the man sucked in a wheezing breath at the thought. She turned to look at Joss. "He acts like a typical petrified male but deep down he wants a child, preferably a baby girl to dote on and treat like a princess." Julia said with a smirk before growing serious. "But you called for me Jocelyn. I'm breaking so many rules right now, it's not even funny."

"What's going on, you said 25 hours and they're up?"

"Yeah about that, I sort of forgot to tell you everything," Julia said with a shrug.

"You forgot to tell me everything!" she scoffed. Julia purposely didn't tell her everything was more like it. "What exactly did you _forget_ to tell me Julia?" she demanded.

Julia's smile grew. "It is true that usually it's a 24 hour thing and then poof you become a ghost or angel again and it is true that I pulled strings to give John that extra hour."

Joss eyed John, she couldn't die in front of him again, that would just be horribly cruel. "What didn't you tell me, Julia?" she demanded again.

"Remember how I said that I cannot grant ghosts or other angels' wishes? Well, during the 24 hour period you were human, so I could grant you a wish. I owed you a few wishes too. Anyway, you wished to stay here with your son and John, so I granted it."

Joss's heart thundered as she stared at Julia. "Are you saying…I'm alive? Can you even do that?"

"Yes, sweetheart, and yes I can do that. As I said before, Jocelyn, I cannot stand in the way of destiny," Julia whispered as she touched her face and she closed her eyes at the warmth and love that filled her at the simple touch. "I told you to believe in your love, you and John have been destined to be together since you both were born. John and you had to get there the hard way."

Joss opened her eyes and stared at Julia. "Thank you," she said heartily, tears filling her eyes.

"I have to go now," Julia said before gently touching them both and their eyes closed from the loving touch and once it was gone, they opened their eyes, and saw Julia was gone too.

John dropped to his knees not feeling the hardwood floor as everything that was happening was surreal but what mattered was Joss as he reached out to touch her and smiled. "You're really here still." he whispered as he rested his forehead against hers.

"Yea." she agreed. They silently stayed like that for a little while, coming to terms with what just happened until John slowly leaned back.

His fingertips stroking her cheek. "Are you alright?"

She nodded her head feeling less weak, feeling stronger. "How am I going to explain how I am alive?" she wondered. "I died."

"Finch and Root can help with that. They are good at hacking into databases and could make it so you looked like you faked your death and were in police protection all this time." he suggested, just how to explain it to them.

She was quiet for a moment. "John, can I have your phone so I can call my son?" He nodded as he immediately went to get to his feet but she stopped him as she sat forward kissing his lips. He sighed as it was a brief but loving kiss. He looked at her when she pulled back and she was smiling. "Now I bet you're regretting that shotgun wedding, aren't you?" she teased softly.

"Never," he murmured.

She eyed him seriously. "John, you know I won't hold you to it. You thought I was going away, now I'm not." He reached out, cupping her cheek.

"I love you, Joss, that marriage is real to me."

"It's real to me too, John," she murmured. "I can't wait to see Fusco, Finch, and Shaw again. I tried to haunt Shaw and take her plateful of food away but it was pathetic. I had to sit there and watch her wolf it down," she complained.

He chuckled softly as he got to his feet, moving to the kitchen counter where his phone rested. "Try feeding that tiny human. But Fusco will be happy to know you're alive, he'll get rid of me as a partner."

"What will happen to you, where will John Riley end up?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, but it doesn't matter, I'm only a cop until we can take down Samaritan and Decima," he said as he walked back over to where she was resting to hand her his phone. He yawned heavily, reminding her that he hadn't slept in over a 24 hour period.

"You need sleep, John," she murmured taking his phone.

"I'll go to sleep when you do. But in the meantime I'm going to make myself some coffee."

She smiled at him. "And maybe sometime in the near future we should try to have that baby girl you'll treat as a princess since your mother is still waiting for a grandchild." And maybe name her Julia, Joss thought with a smile.

"Joss, one step at a time. Let's just concentrate on telling Taylor you're alive and then we'll figure out the rest of our lives," he suggested as he went to go make himself some coffee.

She eyed him from her seat on his couch. "Oh we will, because I'm not wasting my second chance at life and love," she whispered, eyeing him softly, before calling her son to tell him the wonderful news.

* * *

AN: Ta-da, a happy ending! Hopefully the angst was worth the ending :) Thanks for reading this little mushy/feely ficlet XOXOXOXOXOXOX There's a part of me that wants to write a followup of when Julia is born...but I'm trying to squash it, because, well I have so many other things to write.


End file.
